I knew that opening a bistro and wine bar would entail a few drunk asses slurring their words, saying something inappropriate, or perhaps the occasional drunken outburst.. But I had no idea something like this would happen. Last night, around closing time, a very conservative looking man and his girlfriend came in for a quick night cap and dessert. Both were visibly intoxicated but they had smiles on their faces and were friendly and excited to be there.. And then I asked them if they were interested in dessert. The conversation went something like this

Me: What can I get you two for dessert? We feature Amy Bakes cupcakes.. tonight’s flavor is Chocolate Merlot Grenache

Girlfriend: Id LOVE a cupcake, thank you.

Me: Sure… And what about you, sir, would you like a cupcake?

Drunk-ass: (as he looks over at me with a childlike smile) I’d like a big Pussy, please…

Needless to say, he takes the cupcake for drunk-ass.

Just read in the Tribune this morning how cell phones are dirtier, germ-wise, than the bottom of our shoes and toilets according to a recent study in Britain. Okay, okay, not all bacteria is necessarily evil, but nevertheless, some do make you sick. And indeed, these nasty little germs such as staphyloccus, microcococus, and bacillus, are all over our cell phones. The next swine flu could be the cell flu!!  So what to do? Stop talking on it all day and start paying attention to what’s in front of you Be Here Now, as my friend Mickey would say…